Alternatives for the Words “Vagina” and “Penis”

Alternatives for the Words “Vagina” and “Penis”

By Miles Holden on November 16, 2011


Vagina is an awkward word, isn’t it? It certainly isn’t a sexy word; it doesn’t get the juices flowing like “pussy.” Which is a word that always sounds moist to me, but did you know that on top of being awkward saying “vagina” is also sinful?

Now that you’ve been informed of that fact, you must be wondering how to get around using the darn word in the first place. Ya know, when you’re hanging out with your bros discussing all the premarital sex you’re not having or you’re trying to sweet talk a fine lady into showing you her naughty bits.

Bryan Blake from to the rescue! Watch the video above for a lesson in synonyms. You’ll be able to impress your pals with 51 new words for vagina. Highlights include but are not limited to: “skin wand scarf, bullet wound, moist camel hump, Satan’s trap, folded flesh leaf,” and my all-time favorite, “a slurpin’ salmon.”


The lesson doesn’t end there kids, vagina might not be the best word in the English language, especially when you consider the fact that it refers to one of the best things in the universe, but I’m here to report that “penis” isn’t much better. Well, it’s a little better, but not by much.

If there’s anything to learn from Christian Phrases with Bryan Blake: 51 words for pen** it’s that there is no excuse for resorting to using such a dirty word like “penis” when you can say things like: “Satan scepter, god’s pinky finger, Colorado spitting viper,” and the delightful, “puking flesh weasel.” You’re sure to impress the ladies in your congregation with your new found language skills. We all know the ladies dig big…brains, and what better way to show off than with words: wholesome ones to boot.

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