Ask Ron, Part 1

Ask Ron, Part 1

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By Ron Ecstasy on October 06, 2011

Regular readers bemoaned the loss of Olive, and that’s fine. She was a fine writer, and Ol’ Ron will forever be operating this bloggy in her shadow. Anybody that follows our twitter knows that I definitely don’t have her flair for whatever it is you do on Twitter. I’m ok with that, I’m a man. Ron is a man (that’s what they make me chant at our weekly meetings).

 Because of that whole man thing I know some stuff. Some real stuff about cumming and dicks and showing up at work on a stolen Huffy with a flask of Ol’ granddad metabolizing in my gut. I’m also into the weird shit—and I don’t mind to say it—harum-scarum back-alley cock work and the like. You could say I’ve been around.

 So, when you (the readers) send me poorly worded, syntax free e-mails about “what be dick do” and things like that, I feel compelled to respond. It’s my duty as a real M-A-N to set you straight. So, at least for a while, I’m gonna be doing an “Ask Ron” column. Just tweet at @zzinsider and I’ll add your question to the chalk board. Here are our first queries.

 

 Why actors hold the base of their penis after they cum?

 That’s a good question bud. How many times have you seen a porn star busting a white wash all over a lady’s face? Millions of times. And they’re almost always holding the base of their dicks while they do it. If you’re especially lucky they might be kind of wiggling it around, letting that half hard chubber bounce off of some girl’s face. But why do that?!

 There are two simple reasons for this. The first is; “so they can get thecum where they need it.” How many times a day do you think these guys can cum? They’re not trained apes (expect them for 2012). They only get one chance to splooge and they need a direct hit. Not to haul out the tired old analogy but it’s exactly like the death star.  So, they hold onto that shit and aim like some kind of burly Luke Skywalker.

 The second reason is because all our stars have tiny motors in their cocks. How else do you think they keep it hard all day for an eight hour shoot? Fluffers are a myth, they went out with film, baby. That little Evinrude really gets to humming when you cum, so bad that if you don’t keep it in place it could shoot right out the urethra and get all in somebody’s eye. The best way to keep it in place is manually, with a big ol’ paw. It’s really a safety thing is all.

 

 I have serious problem I got early discharge even start fucking my sex partner this is quite shameful for me how can I satisfy my partner? 

 Dude, did you not read the part about the motors? Maybe they won’t work for you though. There are a lot of things you can do. Dick-numbing condomes come to mind. They basically make your peen feel like an icicle. Then you can pretend you’re fucking your GF with an icicle, which is seasonal and fun. 

You can also practice male –kegel exercises wherein you get really close to cumming but hold back at the last second. This kinda sux though because you end up having the most truncated fuck of your life,  and coming really close to losing it might make you lose your bone-rock.

There is also the common solution of cranking one out every morning.  Not only is it good for the humors but it’ll guarantee that when you get down to it in the evening you won’t be boning with a full sack.

A less common but still effective cure is to use mild anti-depressants. They’re known to prolong the time it takes to have an orgasm and can eliminate some of the anxiety people face when confronted with sex. Viagra or Viagra like compounds (sindenafil) are sometimes marketed as including these drugs.

That’s all folks, till next week.

-Ron

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