Back to School 101: Dorm Room Sex
According to your parents and all their media, going to school is one of the most important steps in a young person’s life. Whether it be a first day at high-school or college, beginning school they say, is a crucial waypoint on a child’s journey to adulthood. Though a kid might be more likely to measure those steps in other ways; growing pubes, forming tits, cumming for the first time, or finally getting laid. The first year of college then is a place where these two systems come together. Where you’re finally on your own to pursue higher academics, and surrounded by thousands of willing hotties ready to get it on.
If you’re like us here at ZZ you’ll probably live in a dorm, if you don’t, then don’t worry; these tips still work for whatever smelly apartment flop-house you’re overpaying for. Your time in residence will be a lot like high-school, extremely memorable and exponentially shitty. But if you play your cards right you can have some of the most uninhibited and exciting sex of your life with the most willing babes you’ll ever meet. So, young one, behold our top back-to-school tips for dorm room hook ups!
1. Don’t fuck your neighbor
Believe it or not, a lot of the stereotypes of living in a dorm are true. There will probably be a party somewhere at all times, you’ll get no work done and yes, you might even be able to lay your neighbor. As nice as it sounds to have a convenient hookup right next door, the potential fallout from this is massive. What if one of you falls for the other? Then you’ll have to listen to each other have sex and get your little heart(s) broken. Everyone on your floor will know, which might not seem bad at first but will fill your little dorm-home with tons of vicious gossip you don’t need. Not to mention, unless you’re rico-fucking suave, it will be awkward. Bummer all around, just bang the girl from the third floor and ignore her in the lunch room.
2. Condoms are usually free
Unless you go to Brigham young or some other dopey-strict ass school, there’ll probably be someplace on campus to get condoms for free. If they’re not free, then they’ll probably be like ten cents. You realize that this is the 21st century, and the only people who pay for rubbers are teenagers right?
3. Be considerate
Obviously to the person you’re fucking, but also to the peeps that need to deal with you. If you share a bedroom then you need to work it out with your roomie. Even if you guys aren’t on good terms, its cruel punishment to stink up the room like cum and condoms then not do anything about it. Also using sex time as a passive aggressive way to get back at your roommate is insane and also kind of gross. Nobody wants you screwing five feet over when they’re trying to sleep. Nobody wants to see your pimply ass woo-boning that girl with the braces either, close the fucking blinds!
4. Don’t be afraid to kick the other person out
Bet you didn’t think you’d hear this one eh? Yeah, dorm rooms are small and cramped, the beds always suck and oftentimes the room isn’t even totally yours. Sharing this tiny space with your spent lover is no good, especially if you have an 8:30 tomorrow. So don’t feel bad about kicking the other person out, especially if they live in your dorm. There’s no shame in taking the fire exit down to the 2nd to sleep in your own room.
5. Get creative
It’s hard to fuck in a twin bunk-bed. Especially the crappy army-style cot beds a lot of schools will supply you with. It becomes doubly more difficult when you’re drunk and your sloppy hookup can’t get her ass up into the top bunk. The best solution then is to get creative. Sometimes the only way you can really get down in a dorm is to get down, literally, on the floor and truly fuck like an animal. Besides, trying new things can open your little teen brain to a whole world of dirty sex that straight missionary on the bed can never do for you!
So there you have it, ZZ staff busted our balls on this one so if you like it tweet it! If you hated it, tell me what you think @ron_zzinsider
Be sure to check in on our next sex 101 installment. When porn stars weigh in on sex in college!