Florida Accidentally Outlaws Sex

Florida Accidentally Outlaws Sex

By Olive Day on May 13, 2011

Remember the time when we were all taught basic biology in high school? We found out how penises and vaginas function, how we’re 99% similar to the ape species but we have opposable thumbs and other really important things that I wasn’t paying attention to because I became fixated on penises? Well apparently all of Florida has the same penis obsession because they’ve accidently outlawed sex when they outlawed bestiality from the state.

It seems while passing the new anti-bestiality law, it never occurred to anyone that humans are in fact a type of species therefore making us animals. Andrew, a blogger for Southern Fried Science pointed the overlooked technical wording earlier this week reporting,

“An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date… So if you’re living in Florida on October 1, 2011 and would like to have sexual intercourse with a consenting adult, please check with your veterinarian or local livestock breeder first to make sure you abide by "accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.”

It seems like Andrew’s quick wit and smarty pants sounded the alarms over at the governmental animal house blog that goes by the incredibly dry and unimaginative name of Election Law Blog who quickly fired off their response about the bestiality bill saying,

“The problem with this interpretation is that the statute itself explicitly distinguishes between "persons" and "animals," prohibiting sex acts between the two groups. A court facing a question of interpreting the statute would almost certainly read the statute's use of the term "animals" as "non-human animals," both to avoid absurdity and to conform with (1) the intent of the drafters; (2) the purpose of the statute; and (3) a commonly used (if scientifically inaccurate) understanding of the term 'animal" to exclude humans.”

I’m glad the “non-humans” and the “animals” were “able” to work this one out. Bestiality is not cool and should only be kept for early Irvine Welsh books.

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