History’s Most Pathetic Sex Shop Burglary Ever!

History’s Most Pathetic Sex Shop Burglary Ever!

By Miles Holden on September 22, 2011

Why are morons the only ones who try to rob sex shops?  Oh yeah, because the rest of us have jobs that allow us to buy all the sex merchandise we desire and when all else fails we turn to the world of free Internet porn.

Juan Aguirre, 21, from Kansas, apparently doesn’t have an Internet connection, because in a brilliant move he decided to break into a sex shop for the sole purpose of stealing six porn flicks. What he didn’t realize at the time is that the six DVD cases he made off with where empty.

That’s right, baby, the cases he stole were for display purposes only.

Being a complete moron when it comes to robbery doesn’t actually matter when it comes to the law. Even though Juan made off with merchandise that had no practical value he is being charged with burglary, criminal damage to property, and theft.

The dumb ass broke a 500$ front door made of glass to get into the store and steal six DVDs that would have been worth 5$ a piece had they actually contained the movies.

Man, he must have been desperate for some wank material. That’s why you can’t underestimate the value of a good imagination. Idiot! He should have at least packed his backpack with more valued merch, since we went through the trouble of breaking into the place in the first place.

I’d feel sad for the poor kid, if he wasn’t so pathetic.

Aguirre is currently being held in Saline County jail until someone pays up the 6000$ bond fee. Considering he couldn’t afford to purchase his own porn, he might be in there for a while.

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