How to Avoid Getting Caught White Handed: Part 1

How to Avoid Getting Caught White Handed: Part 1

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By Isaac on February 24, 2012

We’ve all run into this situation before: your roommates are out, and you need some much needed alone time with the wild world web. You’re cruising a hot new Kagney Linn Karter scene, and then you hear it – the sound of the car pulling in. In this very moment of panic you have to stop everything, hide the lotion, the tissue paper, and most importantly, avoid getting your dick caught in your zipper. Some have perfected this panicked mid-fap scramble, while others suffer through the embarrassment of being caught white handed. Fear not Insiders, we are here to help! We’re going train you to avoid getting caught by becoming a master of your web browser, and strategically planning your much-needed fap-sessions. You are gonna be a bonafide porn ninja be the end of it all. Don’t be scared, we’re gonna get through this together, just you, me and all the porn you can handle. So let’s get down and dirty, this is our guide on How to Avoid Getting Caught White Handed.

Before we get into the gritty details of making technology work for you, let’s cover the most basic of details. If you live with others, their schedule should become your best friend. Hopefully you already have a grasp of their comings of goings, and if you don’t, open your eyes and start watching. Mastering their schedule is KEY to having successful “alone” time.  It will allow you to know whether or not it’s a safe time to browse the lingerie section of the Sears e-catalog, or, if you have good taste in porn, Brazzers, Dirty Masseur.

So you’ve figured out when your roommate is gonna be out – awesome.  The next step should be obvious. Lock your doors, all of the doors. You see a door? Lock it. The time it takes to open a locked door vs. an unlocked door is huge, and when you’re panicking to hide your dick, every second counts.  I don’t have anything funny or witty to say about locking doors, just do it.

So, let me ask you a question: do you think it’s better to watch porn with headphones at high volume? Or watch it over speakers at low volume? If you chose the latter, you’re doin’ it right. While headphones do amplify the moans, groans, squirts, and other porn noise – it also blocks your number one defense; your ears. While you’re getting palmy with with Pamela Handerson with your headphones blaring, your roommate could be behind you snickering, about to record your reaction to getting caught. You really don’t want to live your college life being known as “Wild Willy White Hands” (yes, this is from a true story). Having porn play at low volumes through your computer speakers frees up some aural room. Not only can you still hear the sound of the porn, but you can also hear your surroundings. That’s smart.

Pretty simple huh? Next week we’re going to be covering the more techy side of things: deleting browsing history, using private browsing, or even going as far as using Tor – for all those paranoid individuals out there. Remember this:  you can cover up your physical tracks all you want, but your computer history will always tell the true story. Comment below with more suggestions to avoid getting caught white handed!

Read Part 2 of How to Avoid Getting Caught White Handed

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