Investigative Report: Big Gregg Penazzles his Penis

Investigative Report: Big Gregg Penazzles his Penis

By Big Gregg on May 20, 2011

Well ladies and gents, it seems like the end of the world may have already happened. Bedazzling, or as an online article put it "penazzling" your penis is apparently the latest craze. When I first heard about it, I was a little confused. What could bedazzling your penis actually mean? The last I heard about bedazzling anything was in the 80’s. You know, when everyone was rhinestoneing cool shit on their jean jackets.

So I did a little research, got all of the necessary materials, and had an incredible night of penazzling. I decided to start at the tip of my penis and slowly work up the shaft. I figured since it was my first time penazzling, I should go for something subtle, simple and sexy. I decided on a flower. My main goal was to have the flower grow with my erection as if the flower was trying to reach the metaphorical sunlight found in my wife’s vagina.

On paper, bedazzling my penis seemed like an executable task. But to be honest, it was definitely harder than I thought. Asides from all of the glue on my penis and my hands, my wife constantly walked into the bathroom demanding to know what the hell was going on. I paused my penazzling for a few moments to show her the article that inspired my night of erotic art. Of course she thought I was insane and didn’t seem to appreciate the time and effort I was putting into my work of art. I assured her that it was purely for the merit of science and that work demanded me to try this out.

I'd love to share photos  of the finished product with you, but this website is pg-13 and I’m sure you don’t really want to see my rhinestoned penis in all its glory. Will this craze catch on the mainstream like Jennifer Love Hewitt’s bedazzled vagina or is this just another short lived craze?

 When I first read about it, I thought penazzling was one of the stupidest things I had ever heard of. But, as I catch a glimpse of my multi colored penis as I type, I realize the awesomeness that is penazzling.

After successfully completing my flower, many ideas have come to me for future penazzle projects. I seriously want to push this craze to its limits.I've decided that my next work of art will be the empire state building with some shading and maybe some lights.

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