Miami’s Federal Detention Center to Become First Stripper Prison?

Miami’s Federal Detention Center to Become First Stripper Prison?

By Miles Holden on December 07, 2011

Okay, now that I’ve read that headline again, I feel like it may be giving people the wrong idea. I don’t mean that Miami’s Federal Detention Center (FDC) is going to become to first prison to strictly house strippers criminals, but that it’s going to turn into a stripper prison… the way I hear it all the FDC is missing are a few stripper poles to close the deal.

According to various sources, drug lords housed in the Miami FDC regularly receive visits from strippers who pass themselves off as paralegals. Any lawyer can sign a form and designate a paralegal, there’s no way to check; a loop hole greatly appreciated by convicts who receive regular visits from strippers in lieu of conjugal visits, which are not allowed in federal prisons.

"Everyone knows about it," says a private investigator who asked not to be named. "We call them the 'little hoochie mamas'... They are making a mockery out of the prison system here." (

It’s actually a pretty ingenious plan, if you ask me. Under the law you can’t refuse an inmate a visit from his defense team (paralegals included), so although incarcerated these drug lords are living it up in prison; getting to look at and touch “paralegal” ta-tas to their hearts content.

This scam isn’t all about sex either. These well-endowed and scantily clad “paralegals” also sneak in booze, porno mags, and money among other fun delights you usually don’t have access to in prison.

In light of all this, if you’re currently living a life of crime or intend to, I suggest you move your ass to Miami ASAP. Criminals never plan on getting caught, but in the unlucky event that they do, they might as well live in a city where prisons offer strippers.

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