Pastor Encourages Congregation Members to Make-Out in Church

Pastor Encourages Congregation Members to Make-Out in Church

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By Miles Holden on November 22, 2011

I agree with Kristin Hunt of Nerve magazine when she says: Finally, someone has acknowledged the sensuality inherent in all church services. The organ music, the mustiness, the "God is watching you sinners" sentiments. It's pure sex is what it is […]”

So true, I remember the summer I worked updating the archives in a Catholic Church. Every day I was afraid they would figure out I had never been baptized and boot my pervy ass out. Churches ARE kind of sexy, there’s something about all that talk of sin that makes you want to take a bathroom break to wank it under the watchful eye of god.

Kristin and I aren’t the only ones who find church sexy; Pastor Maurice Johnson, from Queens, has taken advantage of all this church sexiness by holding weekly kissing contests between married members in front of the whole congregation.

The fun doesn’t stop there y’all, on top of swapping saliva for a whole five minutes in front of their peers the lucky couple voted “best kisser” wins 50$ to spend on a night out on the town. Sounds dangerously close to prostitution to me, but Pastor Johnson insists that he does this not to titillate, but to keep the marriages of his congregation members good and kicking.

Not a bad idea, if you ask me. Although, the good ol’ Pastor doles out the kind of advice I’m not used to hearing from a man of the cloth: “Your bedroom and your love life are fires that must be nurtured and fought for," Johnson preaches. "Use the power of touch to ignite passion in your marriage.” That’s something I would expect from a sex therapist, but Johnson doesn’t stop there, adding: “You should be visually stimulated for your husband or your wife," Johnson says. "It is your biblical responsibility to look good for your spouse.”

It’s as if Cosmo suddenly started taking cues from the Bible. Part of me is impressed, while the other hasn’t figured out how to fell yet. 

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