Shocking News, Teens More Likely to Have Sex

Shocking News, Teens More Likely to Have Sex

comments
0
By Richard's POV on November 11, 2010

A recent study conducted by the Case Western Reserve School of Medicine found that "hyper texting" teens or teens that send more than 120 messages a day and "hyper networking" teens or teens who spend more than 3 hours on social networks like Facebook are more likely to smoke, drink and you guessed it, have sex. Hopefully they know it can lead to cancer.

I was both comforted and disturbed by these findings, because it made no mention of grown men that spend more than 3 hours a day on networks like Brazzers.com, then send 120 messages to their friends about the latest videos and hot new girls. Fortunately, this lured me into a false sense of comfort. But enough about my issues.

The study also found that between the two groups these teens were 84% more likely to use illicit drugs, 94% more likely to be in a physical fight, and 90% more likely to report four or more sexual partners, among many other startling yet simultaneously helpful facts assuming you're a young college student or an old pervert. Another helpful hint, women who use iPhones are more sexually active than their Android phone counterparts. Conversely, if you have a teenage daughter with an unlimited text plan and a Facebook app on her iPhone I suggest you place her on punishment, like immediately.

Worried researchers say these results are so alarming it may give rise to a new health risk category. I don't know about you but I too found this all very troubling, seeing as I haven't had a chance to buy stock in psychotropic medicines and mobile porn, yet. These cell phone fingering juveniles are going to make me a fortune!

Please login to submit comments