The Art of Sexting

The Art of Sexting

By Richard's POV on February 21, 2011

The cavemen had it easy. If they wanted sex all they had to do was bonk a cave woman over the head and drag her back to their cave by her hair. Sadly, times have changed. Why, with this whole women's liberation movement thing now men have to "talk" to women if they want to ever have sex with them! I know, right?! TALKING?!? UGH!

Fortunately, all hope is not lost. Scientist were smart enough to develop the cell phone and slowly but surely man has turned the hands of time back into his favor. Sure, you still can’t bonk the apple of your eye over the head with your iPhone but you can text her to death and remove the need for any real means of actual face to face communication until you've secured her legally binding agreement to have sex with you.

Like the cavemen of years past, we here at ZZinsider want to see you acquire sex through whatever method requires the least effort possible, which is why we're here to pass on some sexting tips from Fox News. Yes, that Fox News.

1. A work day worth of sextext can lead to a night-long in-person session.

2. The absence of face to face contact removes the embarrassment factor.

3. It brings the fun back to sex.

4. Studies have shown that women who engage in social media (or text) are quicker to have sex with their partners.

5. Thinking of new things to say keeps things fresh and exciting.

6. Remember, Delete! Delete! Delete! When you’re done delete your conversation and never use your work phone.

7. Think before you sextext. Is your partner in crime as perverted as you? Will they be ready and willing?

8. Sexting can go from fun to creepy if you keep it up for too long or escalate too quickly, so pace yourself by following your partner’s lead.

9. Only sextext with those whom can legally consent. We recommend over 18, unless you want to trust doing jail time over an off the cuff Google search for validation.

10. Send pictures at your own risk! For the fellas, remember to learn from Brett Favre's mistake. No shame in doing a little "warm up stroking" to make sure Johnson makes a well-received cameo appearance. She’s going to show her girlfriends anyway, so you might as well be dressed erect to impress!

Lastly, for those of you trying to squeeze in a sextext quickie, these helpful acronyms might help:

IWSN: I Want Sex Now

GYPO: Get Your Pants Off

IAYM: I Am Your Master

K4Y: Kiss for You

LMIRL: Let's Meet In Real Life

NALOPKT: Not a Lot of People Know That

TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me

WIN: Want It Now

S2R: Send To Receive

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