Top 5: Bucky Tackles the Bizarre Sex Toys
Want to know how it feels to have your brain set on fire? No....Tough! Read through this list of bizarre sex toys and it'll feel like your mind is burning up. Or maybe your genitals, maybe one or the other or both. Or maybe they'll make you burn with passion. I've done like 206 of these demented lists and I have yet to have one reader post in the comments "ZOMG THAT'S MY FAVE SEX TOY YO I USE IT EVERYDAY I'M USING NOW WHILE I'M WRITING TO YOU" Please let us know if you've used any in this list....I can't find anyone in the office to test them for me, even when we can get free samples :)
5. Sea Anemone
This is a sea anemone, they're cousins to jellyfish, now look carefully at the pic and tell me if you want to screw one...you do? You want to put your dick in that? Good, because there's a sex toy for that. Thank you Japan.
4. Barack Obama Blow Up Sex Doll
"He'll Batter Your Bush," "He's Got A Presidential-Sized Power Tool!", and "He's Got The Biggest Presidential Staff Ever!"....Why am I blogging? Writing the copy on sex toy boxes is where its at. Also, I have an important question:
Is it gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) if I buy and fuck this Barack Obama blow up sex doll? 'Cause my masturbation routine's gotten a little stale.
3. Cum Creampie Semen Lotion
Time to cut and paste from the product write up again: "The Cum Creampie Lotion is fun, slippery, and looks exactly like the real thing! Great for use alone or with a partner, this Semen Lotion is perfect for use with any of our sex dolls as well!" I'm supposed to write something vaguely humorous after each item but I think this item speaks for itself, plus as my Mother pointed out "Don't worry about spending all your time thinking up anything funny to write dear...you're never funny anyway."
2. The Foot Fucker
Just in case you want to know why I'm showing you a massive door stop this is meant to go into an orifice...somehow....
1. The Bug Chaser Dildo
Bug Chasing is a fetish where people get off having unprotected sex with partners who have serious STDs. Not the safest of fetishes, so luckily there's a sex toy those wonderful sickos can use instead. It's called the Bug Chaser and it's meant to look like a diseased dick.
Journalism Disclosure Notice: I was the model for this dildo.
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