Top 5 Jobs that Won’t Get You Laid in Real Life, But Will in Porn

Top 5 Jobs that Won’t Get You Laid in Real Life, But Will in Porn

By Olive Day on August 24, 2011

What came first, the sex fantasy or the porn scene that fulfills it? When I first had the idea of writing this list, I figured it’d be pretty easy. I started asking people what jobs are stereotypically depicted in porn that without a doubt will lead to sex, but in real life would have a pretty hard time getting laid if they bragged about their profession. Of course, EVERYBODY ‘knew a guy’ who was a plumber or whatever who got laid like every day at work. First of all, your friend is a fucking liar. He probably got lucky 3 times and went with it. There is no chance in hell I’d be turned on by some dude fixing my toilet or clogged sink. Second of all, this is all for fun, so just go with it.



Example: Laying Pipe Sexy-mommy, Lisa Ann is looking for a plumber to lay some long pipe in her. She stumbles upon Alex who just happens to specialize! So they had back to her place for some "hard" labor and long pipe strokes in between those boobs and deep in that pussy!”

Pizza delivery guy


Example: Pussy Backed Pizza “Britney is the top chef and sales rep, she has the hottest policy and guaranteed incentive to get return customers. Britney fucks her customers if she is late on deliveries and she will suck their cocks if her product isn't satisfactory.”

Vending Machine Guy


Example: Fucking the Vending Machine Dude “Juelz has taken a liking for the vending machine guy, he cums in right when her break begins and this time around she wants a taste of the only snack she has not tried.”



Example: InCUM Taxes “Jodi is in desperate need to get her taxes finished since they are due in one day. However, her accountant Mr. Mountain is reluctant to do them since he is swamped with so many other customers. Mr. Mountain pities her and agrees to do her taxes just as long as he gets to see her tits.”



Example: Big Butt Pastry “Welcome to Big Butt Pastry with chefs Melissa Lauren and Billy Glide! Together they will show how to bake a big wet butt pastry along with its good ol' homemade cream topping! Deli-fucking-licious!!”

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