Top 5 List: Suggestive Toys No Child Should Receive

Top 5 List: Suggestive Toys No Child Should Receive

By Bucky Beal on December 21, 2010

I spend most of my time writing about sex toys, now that it’s the Christmas season, my mind is on the less fun kind of toys, apparently children enjoy playing with toys and are traditionally given them some on Christmas. This is why I’ve been fist fighting in the aisles of department stores  over some doll my niece wants.

Now I’m no prude, in fact I write these words to you from my bed with my member firmly planted in a blow up doll, but I’ve discovered some toys fit for no child due to their suggestive nature. To bring holiday cheer into your heart, I’ve assembled the best into a list. All but the number one entry are accidentally sexually creepy, and all are amusing and a little disturbing. Buy them for the child in your life, and enjoy your prison sentence.

5. Punisher Shape Shifter

punisher-1It’s the popular comic book character, with a rocket launcher cock. Wait! What?








Well it transforms, into another shape.








Oh, is that worse, I think that might be worse.


4.  Rad Repeating Tarzan











Cool, it’s Tarzan, nothing wrong here. Well….let’s watch this toy in action:

He’s just like me when I log into Brazzers. I tear off all my clothes and jerk it while hollering at the top of my lungs.

3.  Dinosaurs










How’d these guys ever go extinct ?

2.  Young Ones Toddler Plush Toy










Sometimes I run out of snark and I just have to point and grunt. This is one of those times.

1. Peekaboo Children’s Stripper Pole Kit












 It’s a stripper pole kit for kids. Wrong, very wrong. Wrong. Sluts shouldn’t start their training to be sluts till late teens. Let kids be kids.

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