Top Ten: Homemade Sex Toys

Top Ten: Homemade Sex Toys

By Miles Holden on November 23, 2011

Why go to a fancy sex toy store when you can go shopping in your own home?

10. Shower Curtain

How can a shower curtain be a sex toy? Good question. Rip that baby off those rings, throw it on the floor, oil yourself up and roll around with your honey. It’s a guaranteed good time, or so I hear.

9. Tickle Me Elmo

It’s a well-known fact that lots of ladies get their masturbatory start rubbing against their stuffed toys. Imagine you have one that vibrated back in your day? Tickle me Elmo is the quintessential rub-a-rub-rub teddy bear.

8. Toothbrush Case

Usually round, this common household item looks like a cheap-as-hell hallow dildo. Made out of plastic, its smooth edges would leave you with an injured vagina. Plus, it’s easy to wash. No one’s going to question why you’re talking your “toothbrush” into the bathroom with you for some private time.

7. Hairbrush

Two sex toys for the price of one: a penetrator that also works well as spanking tool! Get one of those flat wooden ones for maximum spank-ability.

6. Kitchen Towel and Plastic Bag

Known as the “Fifi,” this baby is for the men out there who need a quick fix without taking a trip to the sex shop. All you need is a kitchen towel, a plastic bad, and some lube. Use your imagination and make your own makeshift pseudo-vagina.

5. Blanket

Sperm catcher? Sure, but if you have a clit you can also lie back on a blanket, bring it up between your legs and rock your body to ecstasy. I hear the scratchier the blanket the better.

4. Squeeze Toy Glove

Ok, so what we have here is a latex glove filled with spiky squeeze toys. Add lots of lube and think of it as a reverse French tickler.

3. Electric Toothbrush

I just bought one of these babies recently, not to masturbate with, but to, ya know, clean my teeth more efficiently. Those babies are so powerful it felt like my brain was vibrating. I could see how some ladies might enjoy a little electric toothbrush on their lady bits.

2. Bathtub Faucet

The Holy Grail of “at home” masturbation! Most of the ladies I know ALWAYS check the water pressure when they’re considering renting a new place. Water pressure and faucet accessibility. Oh yeah, and removable shower heads.

1. Phallic Shaped Produce

Zucchinis, carrots, cucumbers, oh my! Phallic shaped vegetables are among the first things inserted into a ladies vagina. Come on now, admit it. Your home alone, feeling frisky and a little curious, you just happened to have stocked up on veggies at your local farmers market… what’s a girl to do? Personally, I’d be afraid a piece would break off and rot inside, but that’s just me.

What homemade sex toys have you used?

Images Gallery

  • Shower Curtain

  • Tickle me Elmo

  • Toothbrush Case

  • Hairbrush

  • Kitchen Towel & Plastic bag

  • Blanket

  • Squeeze Toy Glove

  • Electric Toothbrush

  • Bathtub Faucet

  • Phallic-Shaped Produce

Please login to submit comments