When Dildos Attack, Sort Of

When Dildos Attack, Sort Of

By Miles Holden on December 09, 2011

A man, Robert Matello, 49, was arrested last month on charges of indecent exposure, open lewdness, and public drunkenness when two Pennsylvania Township police officers out on patrol spotted him standing with his pants around his ankles in a nightclub parking lot.

According to the police report, Matello was seen inserting a pink object into his butthole and masturbating, dick in hand, while staring at the two police officers. He initially started to walk away, but changed his mind and stopped to have a little chat.

When asked if he was carrying a weapon, a drunk as a skunk Matello uttered the best response to ever be recorded in a police report: “Yes, I have a pink dildo,” a witty Matello replied as he pulled the pink rubber cock from his pants pocket and tried to hand it over to the nice police officer who refused the generous offer.

Matello tried his to explain that he “was only pleasuring himself” and “spanking his ass,” but the two cops were having none of that and hauled his pink dildo-ed ass to jail. Poor guy, it’s not like he was hurting anyone; there are no kids to protect in nightclub parking lots, only randy guys trying to get off. And what’s a guy to do when he can’t find anyone to do it for him? He does what a man has to do, take care of business himself with his pocket sized pink rubber cock.

How come having sex in public is considered taboo and hot while masturbating in public is considered just plain creepy? Maybe it’s because it’s usually men who do all the wanking in dark alleys, I think more women should join the whole getting off in public trend in an effort to make the practice more mainstream.

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