Willows Bow and Arrow: Tempted By Another

Willows Bow and Arrow: Tempted By Another

By Willow Monroe on March 27, 2012

*The ideas expressed in this column are for informational and entertainment purposes only and are not a substitute for medical advice.

Dear Willow,

I’ve been married for just over three years and I love my wife.  She’s incredibly sexy and my best friend. But lately, I’ve had thoughts and even dreams about another woman. I’d never want to hurt my wife, but I work with this other woman and see her almost daily. I can’t get her out of my head.  Should I tell my wife about what I’m feeling? Or would the truth just hurt her?



Re: LoveMyWife

You’ve encountered temptation and now you’re at a crossroads. First, I’d like to assure you that even the happiest of married persons can be attracted to other people. It’s completely natural to lust after a beautiful woman. The saying, “married not dead,” comes to mind, illustrating the idea that being wed isn’t an antidote to being attracted to persons who are not your significant other.

Your quandary is not an easy one to navigate and I’m reluctant to mislead you. On the one hand, telling your wife could open the door to new levels of openness and honesty within your marriage.  On the other hand, not everyone can navigate that kind of honesty. By telling your sweetie the unabridged truth, you could be creating a big steaming mess that will lead to a lot of unnecessary heart ache. Only you know your wife well enough to determine if she’s the kind of woman who can handle hearing about your lusty thoughts for another woman.

Attraction is a mysterious and mostly unconscious response.  The reasons this particular woman has awoken your carnal desires are likely unrecognized by your conscious mind. I would, in your situation, be asking myself what this woman represents that I find so attractive. Is it freedom? Is it wild, passionate sex? Is it the unconscious urge to dominate or be dominated? Once you get a handle on what it is that your desire is pointing you towards, you can act on it without cheating on your wife. For example, if it’s the scandalous nature of an inter-office affair that has you riled up, you could role-play this scenario with our wife.

Regardless of what you choose to tell your wife, letting her know she’s your number one will go a long way in maintaining her happiness.  



Send your questions about, sex, porn, dating, relationships, and anything else you'd like to have answered to willow@zzinsider.com

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